Nancy's Journal

[Sheila]

nancys –

Regarding the EMDR -- This is not an exact science and we are all different, and, reading between the lines, it seems like you would like some help with the early childhood trauma which is on your mind right now.

So, I think it would be OK to give the EMDR a try. But, I would still explain to her that she should only do 25% of what she would normally do with someone with your trauma, because you have the additional element of psych med w/d.

You could try it once and then wait a week and see how you feel about the session. I would not do too many sessions too close together until you see how it will effect you over time.

Regarding that therapist you liked and insurance – When you talk to your social worker, ask her if there is any possibility of extending your old insurance what with the new Obama Administration insurance laws. I don’t know how that works.

Regarding the Celexa -- I would start at 10 mg. Junior makes an important point – your system is more sensitive to meds now than in the past. You are understandably desperate, but I think the lower dose will give you relief. Try it first.

[nancys]

Thank you. I will stick with 10.
I did emotional freedom technique for the first time with someone last week that i met at brain injiry group. She knows a lot about it. Then did on my own a few times and again with her. My guesa is it has brought horrible pain to surface, or could just have been coming anyway, and it is totally intolerable probably esoecially with w/d. That is why i have been wondering about this stuff. My guess is i should stop doing it and see hiw i feel in 3-7 days. But i have been confused because on the one hand it could push it through me but on other it can keep bringing it up. Not sure what has occurres or will occur. My guess is i should not be trying to process stuff now but yet think myabe trauma is problem so need to process. I have no idea on the theories of that. My guess is not now. I sure wish i had that old therapist becUse she would know proper course of action. The pain is intolerabke. But probably way more with w/d. Have to survive this. Looking forward to drug kicking in but worried it could be a drug that makes me worse like some others. No matter what have to survive.

[Junior]

You WILL survive. I know this because you have a great attitude. Hang in there.

[nancys]

Hi,
Thanks for all the help.
Eventhough it is hard to isolate causes. I am pretty sure doing the emotional freedom technique numerous times since last week has caused me immense psychological suffering (childhood stuff) on top of my horrible withdrawal symptoms. Or it could be just course of withdrawal. But I think it was the EFT. So I am going to stop that. My suffering is so horrendous. I am going to have to hold on until the drugs kick in. However, they could make me worse. But the suicidaity and nonfunctining is really really bad.

[Luc]

We are with you all the time, Nancy. May the drug start working soon. Keep us regularly updated. The symptoms are hellish, but your body is able to recover from it.

[Sheila]

OK, here’s another idea. Maybe while you continue to try to consult your own intuition about the EFT and EMDR, you could try to get out in a park and walk every day – being outside with some nature around is a great way to ground and diffuse intense emotions. It’s getting warm enough that you could take your shoes off and walk on some grass and drain out excess agitated energy into the Earth, and take in solid, calming energy from the Earth. Also, touch trees.

You are doing such a great job in a difficult situation. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You will try one thing, see how it works, then you will adjust your plan. You will come up with the perfect plan for you, bit by bit. This is all new territory and you are a pioneer. And we will keep supporting you.

Also, try as best you can to be very kind to yourself. You are a person deserving of care. As you collect some help from others, keep being as caring to yourself as you can, even if that was not modeled for you growing up.

[nancys]

Hi, thanks for the ideas. I walk and hour to 1 and 1/2 daily on river or park. Best thing for me. I will try the bare feet amd trees. Someone else said ly on ground so i am hearing multiple places.
Being kind to myself verbally is another story. Totally foreign to me but need to. My dad was very disdainful critical jusgemental harsh rejecting. Not Being nice to self is my biggest problem. Thanks for the encouragemrnt.
I decided to take week off eft. I just think it is bringing uphorrendous infant/toddler trauma. Emotional abuse. I need to stop eft and see if i feel a little less miserable. The suicidalitu is really bad. Cant add to it if dont have to.
You guys are really helping me along. I really need the drug to kick in. It has 35 hour half life so i think i will feel a tad better after 1 week. However thats only if good drug for me .. and on low dose so concerned wont feel much better. We shall see.

[Junior]

Well if you can't be kind to yourself, we'll just have to do it for you

[Luc]

Sheila has brought a very good point about trees, nature, Earth. Please, have a look at this thread; http://antidepressantwithdrawal.info...ortisol-spikes

Some say that the birch-tree is especially rich in the healing energy.

[nancys]

I think i am going to do the 20 mg. I am severely suicidal and nonfunctional. There just may be too many factors going on. brain injury, severely painful childhood feelings maybe up cause off drugs, withdrawal, went broke. Anyway. I may just have to do 20 to survive. Hate to be a quitter but not sure how much i can take and not sure any of this will get better by just letting it be.