nancy -- Most of us have really had to learn to analyze our own reactions to things during w/d, and insist to any health professionals we work with that they follow our guidelines. Almost no health professionals know anything about this syndrome, and you will soon be an expert in it.
Meds free since June 2005.
"An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
-- Holger Kalweit
Feeling better from drugs. long way to go. definately should not have done childhood stuff. That created much depression(and flatness)which is last thing needed but still think feeling better from drugs kicking in.
I now believe the doctor i saw way back in june prescribed me all the wrong drugs. i believe he needed to put me back on anti depressant and all he did was try to get me back to sleep during 4 months of trying many many different drugs. then he upped it to xanax then clonipin. cause i couldnt sleep. he is an idiot. a holistic neurologist. very smart but should not be diagnosing psychiatric issues. he prescribed many many and all the wrong drugs and i suffered immensely as a result. i hate doctors so much now. of course i will still always consult with them and look for the best but i wont just trust them any more.
the free therapist made a very poor choice delving into my childhood. i am sleeping way worse, feel very flat/dead/no emotion, then at other times much more horrible emotions than felt before he did it. this is really bad cause i already was very bad off. based on past experience this could take several months or more to go away. could be more or less. last thing on earth i needed. very bad idea. dont think he should have chosen that given my severe suicidality before he did. whatever. too late now. have to survive it. going to be harder to assess celexa and trazadone but have to wade through it. went to clinic where got medicine and have seen their social worker now 2 times (2 weeks ago and now yesterday). will start seeing her but worried cause only once every 2 weeks but i am going to see if i can work a way to do every week. anyway. its bad. last thing i needed was this. i need to function and this did not help at all and i need to sleep and this did not help. it is going to be awhile before this dissipates i can tell because it is very strong. anyway. cant wait for drugs to kick in more. 3 weeks celexa now. they say 4-6 to kick in. and that is 20 mg. if had to go up i could in order to survive suicidality. whatever. what a mess.
Just hang in there, Nancy. Please, remember this - the intrusive thoughts you're experiencing now are WD-driven. It's a matter of physiology. If it wasn't the childhood stuff, your mind would latch onto something else. It's so WD. Been there, done that. Yes, it's extremely painful. I am sending you lots of healing energy for the bad thoughts to abate.
Keep walking. Just keep walking.
I hear what u are saying but why physiological. How does that work. I definitely believe this Is all way worse cause of wd
Yes, that is what I am precisely saying, Nancy - that it is physiological = caused by chemical changes caused by drugs, and not of a psychological nature.Originally Posted by nancys
Keep walking. Just keep walking.
Luc is making a very important point. If it weren’t one thing, it would be another. I have had the experience in w/d of obsessing over something I’m scared of. Then, that thing gets taken care of, and I have about 20 seconds of relief.
And then I start to worry about the next thing on my mental list. It’s tragi-comic. I simply can’t stop myself. But it helps to be aware of this feature of w/d. People get angry or scared and perseverate on the feeling and then look for items to stick into the narrative.
I think you’re going to be feeling better sooner than you think you are.
Also, try to focus on being very proud of yourself. You are doing an amazing job in a very complicated, rough situation. You are showing great courage and strength and determination.
Meds free since June 2005.
"An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
-- Holger Kalweit
Sure hope i do feel better sooner than i think i will. need to bad.
thank you for the compliments. however all i do is beat myself up for everything i have not done or did that has led me to this situation. mad at self from any angle that can think of. but this is how i always treat myself. i need to think better about myself but very very hard.
no matter what i feel horrendous at this point and need to feel better asap.
Nancy, do *not* blame yourself for anything. There's not an iota of your fault. Believe me. Certain situations are so complex that finding a good solution is extremely difficult. The more so as we are talking about the world from 20-30 years ago, when there wasn't enough, if any info in that respect.
Keep walking. Just keep walking.
It *is* very hard to start to practice kindness and compassion toward yourself when you are not used to it. But it can be done. It is a practice like any other – like exercising daily, or meditating, or choosing the food that is better for you. You have to practice it.
In two ways – practice stopping the self-critical thought, and practice replacing it with some kind of self-supportive thought that you *can* get your head around. IOW, if you can’t feel love for yourself, then that’s too big a step to take, and just say something like, “well, I respect you for at least trying.”
*You* have to do this. No one can do it for you. You deserve this. You’re worth the effort. Don't expect to be able to do it all the time. But, even five times a day will start the transformation.
Meds free since June 2005.
"An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
-- Holger Kalweit
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