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Thread: Nancy's Journal

  1. #111
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    Getting better but still severely miserable. Can't wait for drugs to kick in more. Desperately needed. I will try to do more relaxation and meditation

  2. #112
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    Worry drugs will not take away this horrible suffering. although i believe they already have some. just so bad i fear the drugs wont quite resolve it. I can say i felt way better before i went off drugs first time last spring. but back then i was on luvox lamictal and seroquel. Lamictal (did not make me feel less depressed when took after car wreck either )i never ever needed. luvox took place of effexor(did not feel any less depressed when switched to it from effexor in fall 2011). seroquel was on whole time. But my fear is that somehow celexa will not be right answer to take this horrible suffering away even though has helped already. and on trazadone now a week also. just fear that maybe those other drugs worked and this wont. no basis in my fear just a fear because so miserable and need relief now. of course no one knows until it takes full effect. only on 20 mg 11 days. bottomline is the horrible mental torture. and i realized i have been torturing myself since started taper in november. however my suffering has been immense since may last year after first taper. then had to go back on drugs due to severe crisis but was seeing new neurologist. i believe he totally messed up never prescribing an ssri. just trying to get me to go to sleep. so basically i believe ever since off ssri i have been very very miserable. i must remember though that the seroquel was lowered from 250 down to 75-125 also so that could have something to do with it although that was always only for sleep but i am not sure if it provided other benefits. my point is that since off drugs last may i have been severely severely miserable in different ways. although got way worse since off drugs jan 26 2013. also went broke in june so that has factor especially since can not handle any stress since my car wreck. anyway. bottomline is i need to feel better really really bad. and i do i just worry the celexa will miss parts of my suffering.

  3. #113
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    The crux of the matter is that, as you rightly point it out, you were on multiple drugs, the doses were switched, the drugs were switched, tapered, then upped again, and then you went off of them c/t. It'd be really difficult to determine the exact combination of drugs and doses that would calm your system 100%. The more so as, during the 29 years of your taking drugs, you may have also hit the tolerance withdrawal.

    One thing for sure, Nancy, for the Celexa to start working (to add, at least its share of possible relief), you still need to wait more. You already feel some improvement. There's every reason to believe it will continue to get better. That said, I really sympathise with you, for I know how severe the symptoms can get.
    Last edited by Luc; 04-07-2013 at 10:18 PM.
    Keep walking. Just keep walking.

  4. #114
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    What is tolerance withdrawal

  5. #115
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    It's when the drug stops working, or loses at least part of its strength. When this happens, doctors usually up the dose.
    Keep walking. Just keep walking.

  6. #116
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    I’m so very sorry you’re feeling so horrible, and have been for such a long time.

    Your situation is complex because you’re being affected by early psychological trauma, a car accident head injury, and w/d from several psych meds. You have experimented with tapering off, and now you are trying to find a livable place by reinstating a couple of meds.

    If you decide that you need stronger medication right now in order to stay safe we will support you 100%. The first priority has to be your staying safe and alive. You can heal from everything that has happened. But you have to find the path that’s survivable for you.

    On the other hand, if you decide to wait for the Celexa and Trazadone to take further effect, we will support you in that choice too, because we understand your objective of getting off all meds.

    Sending healing energy and wishes for you to know what you need to do.

    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

  7. #117
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    I dont think i had tolerance withdrawal cause was on same dose for years. only just tried different ones more recently cause changed doctors 3 times and car wreck.

    i think i will wait for more to kick in. that sounds like smart thing to do. i will see what doc says also. but pretty sure i know what she will say.
    Lots of trauma from infancy up at surface. maybe drugs were keeping it away or maybe going broke brought more up. who know. but very very very hard to take. A very critical, disdainful dad with lot of anger. put me in fear for my life in infancy it seems with his anger. so very overwhelming.

    so many factors, so hard to know what is what. what a mess. i have to stay alive though.

    thanks for all your support it really helps me.

  8. #118
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    Nancy, we are with you all the time. Please, remember about one thing. Your past traumas are *augmented millionfold* because of the WD. The amount of ruminations/super-painful obsessive thoughts can be incredible in that state. To a huge degree it's *not* you, but the chemically-induced feelings (the neuro-emotions).

    What WD does, it latches on the most traumatic of our past experiences and intensifies them, making them so difficult to bear. There's more - in so many instances, you will suffer from anxieties, phobias and scares you never ever had in the first place. But it all gets better with time. Hang in there!
    Keep walking. Just keep walking.

  9. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by nancys View Post
    I dont think i had tolerance withdrawal cause was on same dose for years. only just tried different ones more recently cause changed doctors 3 times and car wreck.
    for me it do not exist one "tolerance" on a med, it exist many kinds
    the classic is quite brutal,
    anotherone is : after 6 years, all works "ok", then slowly each year i was a little worse until the sixth year "tolerance" where i was in a bad state in my all systems(all was slowly progressive over the 6 years); so at 12 years i was bad and taking the paxil wich was poisoning me more and more; no choice than to taper and never be stabilized(because in "tolerance" maybe)
    12 years paxil(9 years only 10 mg) - cold turkey(1,5 month) and switch celexa tapered 1 year 20 mg
    62 years old - for GAD - 4 years 3 months meds free [since april 2009]

    vegetables soup - orange (vit C) - curcuma - some meat or fish

  10. #120
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    I guess i dot understand tolerance withdrawal.
    Went to doctor. Did not try to up my dose. They are fairly confident celexa will help me. I have just been so worried I won't get better. Waiting 2 more weeks. Only been 12 days on 20 mg. Just hope I get better asap.

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