Introducing Astrid

[stan]

hello Astrid,

i was as you 13 years on meds(12 paxil, 1 celexa); but i am a bad example for you, i am older and have to say, do not thought i would be so bad after years, i am not a good case;
welcome here!

[Sheila]

Welcome, Astrid. You have an excellent understanding of antidepressant withdrawal. You will be feeling better and better as time goes by.

Is there anything that you do that helps you with the symptoms? Exercise, supplements, meditation, etc? You mentioned watching movies, which is an perfect thing to do. I hope they are uplifting movies, because we are more sensitive in w/d.

Now, I do not know anything about the situation with your 15-year best friend, but I just want to mention one thing. Sometimes, people taking these medications, or going through withdrawal from them go through a period of doubting their relationships. They may feel apathy for someone they used to like. Then, when they get off the med or heal more from withdrawal, their feelings about the relationship change again.

Let us know how we can support you. And please share *your* knowledge with us.

[Chris]

Hi Claudius, nice to meet you again :-), we spoke earlier to eachother by mail. Thanks again for all your information, it was because of you that I found out about this forum.
At first I hesitated, because writing in english is never the same as it is in your native language, but I needed it so much to be in touch with others, that I registered.
I hope you are doing well, after your long struggle. I have good hope that I will recover, and spring and summer will be tapering-free this year, so maybe I will enjoy them more than last year ;-) Even though I have no idea how long it will take before I have the feeling that I'm back on track again, having this place to share my troubles is a great comfort to me.

It's so great to see more Netherlands connections here. We are truly international. I hope we can reach out to more around the world. (BTW--your English is amazing)

[m&m]

Hi Astrid. So glad you found IAWP. This forum has helped me so much and I hope it is a blessing to you as well. Wishing you lots of peace and comfort.

[Junior]

Thank you for your kind words. I was lucky. Having already switched from Paxil to Lexapro to Cymbalta - in a 6 month period - I found another forum (this one wasn't around at the time) and learned more about what is really going on with these drugs. And Big Pharma. I'm also lucky in that I am nowhere near as sensitive to all of this as some. It was just that after 10 years on Paxil I developed a tolerance. Anyway I went back onto Paxil (thankfully reinstating worked, it doesn't for everyone), stablised, and have now been tapering for 3 years. It's getting tougher as I get lower so I'm not surprised you found the last 2mg the hardest.

Just know that you WILL heal. It's going to take time but it WILL happen.

[Luc]

I wonder why there aren't more forums like this, because I expect there are so many more people who are struggling with this, all over the world.
On dutch websites I only read about people who are trying to get off these drugs, but most of them don't succeed, and give up after trying.
I think it's also the lack of information that makes people give up trying, because they can't read about people who endured the same and are fighting for recovery.

Exactly so, Astrid. That is why the more people know about places like this one, the better. If they only knew, the number of success stories would be incomparably higher.

[Astrid]

Thank you Stan, Sheila and m&m for your replies! I have been reading your posts before I registered, and now it's so nice to be welcomed by you.

@Sheila: I know what you mean by doubting of relationships, but in this case I don't have doubts.
While I still was on medication I was always pleasing this friend. Always being there for her. Listening to her problems, and support her.
My friend always gave me a hard time, saying "What are you doing with your life, I don't understand why you do so little, and why don't you just meet more people, I just don't understand you at all".
At that time, I couldn't answer those questions, because I didn't understand it myself. I only knew that I was always tired, and didn't know what to do with my life and how to make new friends. I was really stuck and she showed no compassion whatsoever.
When we ended the friendship she said some really mean things, that I could't selfreflect and because I didn't have a job or a relationship I was too far away from society to have an opinion about anything. She also said I was playing the victim, and was hiding behind my clinical picture.
These things hurt me very much. A true friend doesn't say these kind of things. For me it's very clear that she didn't understand me at all, and wasn't even trying.
Even while she knew I was tapering medication, she never asked me how I was feeling or if it was difficult for me. She was too busy with her own life.
So in this case, I don't have doubts. But it still hurts.

[Claudius]

Astrid, though I succeeded to maintain most of my friends, there is one whith whom I also chose to quit any contact. He is working for the farmaceutical industry and dismissed my story as complete nonsense and literally laughed at it. Even did he one time accuise we because I am not working sinece entering WD that he paid taxes to support "lazy" people like me... and uttered tyhat I should really find a job after several years at home.
Also did he confirmedall the familiar of Big Pharma arguments: "you did not take if for nothing", "it al out of your body for long now" and almost shouted at me in a pretty agressive manner that I should explain how those drugs work and why I was still sick from it.
I have known this guy since my university time and though he was never a real close friend, we did respect each other, took some beers at a regular base and he surely is not a bad person. But in our aspect, he is just at the other site of the line and not willing to see what is happening and even blame me for it instead of the people who are really responsible for it. So I saw no other choice than cot down all contact with him.

[Astrid]

Thanks Claudius, for sharing your story about your friend who proved not be a real friend.
My story with her is quite similar, she also said things like " I pay for your alimony, so how much is that, I have the right to know."
Can you imagine being so rude so someone? She lives in the alternative scene, and couldn't understand why I visited a regular doctor.
She said I didn't do enough to heal myself, to work on myself. But I was always struggling, and reading books about issues I had.
I think she wanted me to be more like her, to do the things she did in her way. She never saw me as the person that I was and never
really accepted me.
We became friends when I was 25, and at 27 I started taking paroxetine. So during all those years of our friendship I was drugged.
And I never criticized her, because I couldn't react in the moment. It was always a few days later that I realized she had said or done
something that hurt me.
Most of the times it was too late then to be angry, or I just wanted to forget about it because I couldn't handle confrontations with people.
I think I'm feeling all the anger now, crying my eyes out for things that have happened in the past and were stuck somewhere in my brain.
It's all coming out now.

[Astrid]

Is there anything that you do that helps you with the symptoms? Exercise, supplements, meditation, etc? You mentioned watching movies, which is an perfect thing to do. I hope they are uplifting movies, because we are more sensitive in w/d.

My exercise is to go swimming, I've been doing that for 17 years now and it makes me feel better. You use almost all your muscles in the water, so it's great for your body.
It also makes your head empty, because you're forced to focus on your breathing, on your body instead of your mind.
When I'm angry, I can take all my agression out on the water ;-). And on days that I don't feel very energetic, I go slowly and float a little bit. Whatever I do when I'm in the pool,
it's always o.k. For me it's always an achievement to have been there. This is the thing I have the most discipline for to do, because it always makes me feel good .