I had a window!!!!

[Iggy131313]

YES!! I DID!!! IT WAS A REAL BIG PICTURE WINDOW!!

It only lasted about 30 minutes but it was really real guys....

It started at home, I felt ok, then when I walked to the school to pick up my boy I found myself humming, HUMMING!!!!! No anxiety, No depression, I felt happiness, I smiled, it was the first real smile for 7 months, and it was beautiful.

I felt interested in life, I started to think about what to dress my boy in for international day at school next week (he has a Barcelona football kit so maybe that) I felt normal among the normals all walking to get their children...

It closed as I was waiting for the school doors to open, could have been because all the mums and dads are gathered outside all chatting and being normal and I always feel like I stand out and look and act like a drug addict and that people will be talking about how strange I am, this could be paranoia, but I think its probably true.

So that was it, a few moments of normality, and it felt so good, so wonderful.

The sad news is that if I was off the drugs I would see this as healing but things are going to go downhill so much when I come of this last 1mg that Im on now. scared, scared, scared!

[Chris]

This is great news. so fantastic! It's happening.

[Iggy131313]

Do you think it might mean that my CNS is starting to heal and settle down? oh god I hope so, it was like a fog lifted, my perspective on EVERYTHING changed (sheila your right) I hoping its a good sign

[Luc]

Yes, that was definitely a window. The normal state of perception. And a sign of healing.

[Cosette123]

Iggy I feel so happy for you! And you describe very well the "windows" which are really wonderful experiences after many months of withdrawal.You are healing and you will have another windows which will last longer and longer.

[Iggy131313]

thankyou guys, I wish I was drug free when it happened, but at least it happened. please come back window!!

[Claudius]

This surely sounds like a window, I had the same feeling shortly before 2 years after CT. And though is surely does not mean the end of WD, it DOES mean that you are not damaged forever and that your CNS is looking for the new, drug-free balance. And sometimes hits this point of balance already! Congratz!!

[Iggy131313]

Cladious, Im not drug free yet sadly, Im still on 1mg of this failed Reinstatement and horrific adverse reaction. My situation is slightly complicated...Its 1 year this week since I quit cold turkey, and 7 months since my adverse reaction, and even though I had a terrible terrible adverse reaction to trying the drug again Im still coming off it quite slowly.

But I am on 1mg so it wont be doing much will it? and I have been slowly improving overall since the adverse reaction, I hope my system carries on looking for the right balance...

I am not going to jump off at 1mg like alot of people do, Im going to taper all the way down to 0 and I may hold for 6 months when Im at 0.10 to see if any of the drops I have done need to catch up with me.

But it was a moments peace in hell, it was like ''let me sit here on this lovely brimstone chair and drink a cup of nice warm acid before I have to go back into the torture zone'' lol

Also another change for me is that whereas a few months ago the hours from 12 midnight-3am were the only time I had a break from the anxiety, now that time is totally normal, in fact the reason I cant sleepp is because my mind is running overtime thinking about all the things I want to do the next day etc, or ideas I have about things or like last night when I was thinking how proud of my little boy I am. oops, crying now because I mentioned him, but I have improved alot over the past few months, I know I have, life is misery, but its a whole lot better than it was, and the good moments are much better now. and THAT was my first window, it was like stepping into another world. MY world, I remembered it, it was like coming home. such a beautiful and merciful thing.

Anyway, everything is bound to come crashing around me again and send me back to suare 1 once Im off this failed RI, aggghhhhhh

[m&m]

Whoomp there it is! That is great Iggy :-) Windows are awesome!!!!!

Do the "Whoomp there it is dance" lol http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtOb40IvdcM

[Junior]

Iggy that is fantastic news. Your first window! It SHOWS that you are healing and now you can go forward KNOWING it. May there be many more windows in the very near future.