Why?

[Needinghelp]

I am finding it extremely hard to cope these days. I cant believe what has happened to me and I am grieving for my old life back. I am seriously weeping. Why did this have to happen? Why does it feel like i wont ever have my life back?
Every second is a struggle. I dont get any relief from these horrible feelings and symptoms. I would much prefer physical symptoms. This is really killing me. I dont know whats happening around me. I feel so deep in the fog i dont see a way out of this. Im dizzy, confused and i cant make any discissions. I hate my life and myself. I hate it so much. I pray every night that i dont wake up in the morning. I dont want to live like this anymore. People dont understand what im going through. I seem to have no sense of time, i cant remember anything, i can associate to anything. Im just here, i dont feel here though, i feel soulless to an extent. I dont feel like doing anything and its destroying my relationships.

Robot-like isnt even the word. I cant express myself anymore. I dont know what i like anymore. I feel lost and i cant see myself coming back. I dont want to suffer for 8-10 years. I really dont want to, i seriously cant. Why did this happen to me? Maybe God is punishing me :'(

[Luc]

No, God is not punishing you, Needinghelp. Don't think this way. It is soooo unlikely you should suffer for another "8-10 years". Believe me. Once the symptoms start gradually lifting, it will be getting easier and easier for you to see things in a different, much more positive light. It's all very distorted, and has no semblence of reality now.

[Cosette123]

Needinghelp I have often said the same words than you do:
I would much prefer physical symptoms
I hate my life and myself
I dont want to live like this anymore

and I believe than many of us here have thought the same.It is just "normal" in withdrawal and it will not last. Luc is right:with time you will see things in a more positive way.

[Junior]

Those feelings are also present when suffering major depression. I've been there. A few times, sadly, and the first time I just did NOT want to be here anymore. I was only 18 and wanted to die.

I'm not saying you have this, but many people in w/d experience something that mimics it. I know it is not easy but IT WILL PASS.

[m&m]

Not sure if you've heard this quote NH, it's by Winston Churchill. But" When going through hell, keep going."

Praying for you. I thought the same thing about being punished by God.... even forsaken by him. But that's not true. The anchor still holds and he still has us in his hands not allowing the storm to pluck us out. Just keep holding on to your faith. You are going to be a diamond in the end.

[stan]

it is not forever, it has never been forever, there will be changes

[Needinghelp]

I was depressed before, but nothing like this! This is torture. I just cry 24/7 non-stop my eyes are so sore and blurry.
Im soooo scared guys. Im so scared i cant even begin to explain how scared I am. Im really very frigtened that i wont recover from this or it will take me years upon years to feel better.

[Luc]

Needinghelp, you are going to recover from it. It's only a temporary state of your body and mind. Even if it doesn't feel that way yet, your CNS has already done lots of healing and it will continue to do so. I know, I SO know how it feels, but all the symptoms, scares and anxieties, even f they feel horrible, are not real you. You will be getting better.

[Iggy131313]

I feel the same NH, All I do is cry and cry and wail and pray to die, I cant taje it anymore

[Junior]

I was depressed before, but nothing like this! This is torture. I just cry 24/7 non-stop my eyes are so sore and blurry.
Im soooo scared guys. Im so scared i cant even begin to explain how scared I am. Im really very frigtened that i wont recover from this or it will take me years upon years to feel better.

Repeat after me: I WILL GET BETTER. I WILL GET BETTER. I WILL GET BETTER ....