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Thread: Introducing Kiki

  1. #1
    Junior Member Kiki's Avatar
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    Introducing Kiki

    Hello everyone, and thanks for having me.

    I am 25 years old and from the Netherlands. My story in a nutshell:

    I have always been a very introvert, shy girl. I first started feeling depressed going to a new school aged 12, leaving all my friends behind, the kids I grew up with since I was a small child. The new school, new kids... It was a stressful period for me. I got bullied REAL bad, I felt very alone, hurt and down. Then a number of different traumatic events happened in my life. My dad died, very unexpected, from a heartattack. I was 14. 2 years later, the same with his brother, my uncle. Anxiety, panic attacks, grief... I was dealing with a lot of things. I saw my first psych aged 15 and not long after, without any kind of treatment/ therapy, was put on 150 mg effexor. From the age of 14, everything is a big blur to me. I have been in therapies, creative tberapy , psychotherapy, etc. but it was all in a group, me being a very shy girl, never got the attention I needed, in my eyes. Last couple of years have been hard, my sister was very depressed, brother too. And in 2011 my brother got cancer. I started thinking about how my meds were helping me, but I felt they didnt. They just supressed(?) all these feelings I have been going through. After a failed attempt a year ago. By the end of last year, I gave quitting effexor another shot. Now for 2 weeks, I havent had effexor. And whew, what a hell! But I am determined to succeed. But finding information about going off ad not easy. I spent some time researching and today I found this site, which looks like a really good place to me! Tbh, the fact that you cant find alot of good infofmation that you can trust, does make me a little insecure. I wish someone could tell me how i'm doing, what I can do and it would be nice if someone could tell me how long this takes... Buuut I guess thats wishful thinking. :) By the way, my dr helped me with this. I have been on 75 mg for the last couple of years. Went to 75 and 37 every other day for 2 months, then 37 mg every other day. How I feel: crying, depressed, lethargis, diarrhea, feeling like I am not really experiencing everything, which I think my dr called depersonalisation. But I have haf that for a couple of years. if you have any more questions, ask me. :) I am looking forward to getting to know you. (excuse me if there are any spelling mistakes, I am typing from my phone, which is a bit harder than on my computer! :) )

  2. #2
    Dutch Café Moderator Claudius's Avatar
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    Hallo Kiki! Welkom op IAWP! Heftig verhaal maar je bent hier op een goede plaats! Misschien heb je de Nederlandse vertaling ook gelezen, deze is van mij dus ook in NL sta je niet alleen.

    The moderators will chime in soon without doubt, but I can tell you right now that Efexor is one bitch to come off and swalloming the other day or alternate doeages is not the way to do it. THe symptoms you describe are definately WD, although it is also not strange to feel anxious and depressed after what you had to endure in life.
    These pills, however, are slmost never the solution and the knowledge in the medical community is close to zero. Gettig off must be done very slowly, with very gradual decrease of the dosage. In the case of Efexor, counting the granules appears to be one of the options.
    Recovering from the ravages of withdrawal after 5 years on Paxil/Seroxat, originally prescribed for stress and, looking backward, PTSS.
    Though it is hardly possible to get something positive from the utter hell of repeated c/t's and protracted w/d, all of this unnecessary, I still believe in the possiblity to emerge from this as a healed, wiser human being.
    All we need is just a little patience - Guns N' Roses

  3. #3
    Founder Luc's Avatar
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    Hello, Kiki! Welcome to IAWP. The most important thing - those drugs should *not* be taken every other day, or should one alternate the dose every other day (like 75 and 37 mgs). It sends your system into chaos and suffering. All the symptoms you are describing is withdrawal. Also, after such a long time spend on the drug, you need to get off of it very very slowly. Usually by 10% drops every 3-6 weeks, sometimes even more slowly, depending on a person.

    The last time you took the drug 2 weeks ago? I think what you would need now is to reinstate it, stabilise, and then slowly slowly start tapering it. Let us now wait for more opinions.

    There's some info in here for the start; http://antidepressantwithdrawal.info/en/tapering.php And we are here too to give you more advice then. If you do it slowly, you allow your body to heal. That is very good you've done some research on it already, and that you are determined to succeed. These will help you a lot.
    Last edited by Luc; 02-03-2013 at 04:56 PM.
    Keep walking. Just keep walking.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
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    Hi Kiki, and welcome, you are amongst friends here who will help and guide you through!!

    I agree with Luc that the best thing you could do right now is go back on the 37mg and stabalise for a while, when you are feeling more stable then the good good people here can guide you through a gradual taper off that will allow you to have a life while you taper!!

    Also as we have psychologists on here (sheila and Junior) you will be able to hopefully speak to them and all of us about your feelings and worries and feel supported and get ideas about how to address any feelings you have about your life, which I see has had some very hurtful moments for you.

    So welcome again, get back on that small dose, I know you wont want to but its very important that you do that now as withdrawal can be delyed and you could feel even worse later on, and we dont want that to happen do we? You can avoid all that now and you have come to the right place!

    Lots of love to you our new family member

    Caroline xx
    Put on citalopram July 2009 during a physical illness - didnt need it. 40mg
    went down to 20mg July 2010 CT in Jan 2012 - 2.5 years on.
    Tried to restart July 2012 due to 1 panic attack (never had one before - start of CT W/D) - adverse reaction
    Down to 1.5mg from the failed RI
    Now at 0.48 and trying to stabalize - been 6 weeks
    now have SEVERE anxiety, akathsia, feel like Im on acid 24/7 depression, D/P, signed off work. Scared of everything..please God let me heal from this

  5. #5
    Founder Sheila's Avatar
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    Welcome, Kiki!

    You have done an excellent job of recognizing that the Effexor is not helping you. It is great to hear that your doctor supports your getting off the Effexor, but it sounds like you have tapered off about 75 mg in only a month or two? I also think that it might be best to reinstate on some low dose, stabilize, and then taper off more slowly. That will protect you from the more intense withdrawal symptoms.

    I'm very sorry to hear you were put on meds at the age of 14 instead of being helped with good individual psychotherapy and other safer, alternative healing methods. Are you in therapy now with your doctor or anyone else?

    We look forward to getting to know you,too. If you have any questions, just ask us. And if it does not make sense to you to reinstate the Effexor at a low dose, tell us, and we will try to explain why we think this is a good idea, based on our experience. You certainly should not do what strangers on an Internet discussion board suggest, unless it makes sense to you.

    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit

  6. #6
    Founder Barbara's Avatar
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    Welcome Kiki to IAWP,

    Thanks for sharing so well some major parts of your past and current history. There is a lot of support here on the site for the current issues you are experiencing. We will look forward to hearing more from you.
    "You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star." -- Nietzsche

  7. #7
    French Café Moderator Cosette123's Avatar
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    Welcome to IAWP, Kiki! You have found the right place here.

    "Kiki" was the name of a dog( A white greyhound) whom I have loved very much
    Severe anxiety since childhood .SSRIs for OCD.
    Major traumatism in my life:Prozac during short periods.
    Deroxat (=Paxil) during 7 years.
    Three unsuccessful atempts to quit.
    Deroxat free since may 2008 (Cold turkey )

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